The Avengers. Yes, finally.
Just got back from the cinema after witnessing this typhoon
of awesomeness; and seriously, my mind is B.L.O.W.N.
Okay, I do have a sneaking suspicion that at this moment
this is a summer romance and it will die down soon enough (like when
Christopher Nolan presents his “prestige”), but for now, I’m Stan Lee’s bitch.
Since this happens to be my kingdom, I feel obligated to
share my views on this motion picture. No, I will not bore you with talk of
“cinema production” and “ambient lighting”, I’m gonna go all geek on this
shizz.
First of all, Joss Whedon.
Dude.
Job fucking well done.
Everything was bloody epic, just the way a superhero movie
should be. But what sets this cape-flick apart from the chaff, in my opinion, is
it being with the times and presenting something that everyone can relate to.
That superheroes are awesome. Period.
I know, I know! This movie was NOT AT ALL canon to the comic
book storyline, however there were enough linkages, references and subtle hints
thrown in to keep the inner nerd satisfied. Plus, if you were a real nerd,
you’d know that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is a completely separate entity
from the comic-books. So HA!
Yes, there was no mention of the Pyms (who, for those of you
who don’t know, were also the founding members of the Avengers). But I don’t
think that it was a bad decision actually.
Think about it, every single rendition the Avengers have
gone through have the Pyms and frankly they are not very interesting people.
Hank’s contribution was creating Ultron and being a wuss and Janet was, well
she was just plain annoying. Really annoying.
Ultron is indeed a bad m*therfucker, but guys, there are
better and stronger villains out there like Mister Planet-Eater Galactus
(please do yourself a favor and forget the Fantastic Four movies, I mean,
everybody else did) and **SPOILER** Thanos, The Mad Titan himself. Plus with
Ultron, you are just gonna get another Terminator sequel.
One thing that bugged me was the absence of Black Panther
(wakka wakka aye o!). But hey, there is hope yet in the sequel. Oh and how
Black Widow spoke with a perfect American accent, even though making it ample
clear herself that she is from the Motherland.
Secretly I was hoping that they wouldn’t play the Chitauri
storyline, since we’ve seen enough of that in the Ultimate Avengers animated
movies. So I was pleasantly surprised when the same storyline was given such a
fresh angle.
Entangling Loki and bleeding **SPOILE-, you know what I
don’t give a damn anymore** Thanos into the mix was genius. The return of Hydra
would have been welcome too, but they gave that its crowning moment in Captain
America. I don’t think Baron von Strucker or Zimo could have compared to the
EPIC performance by Elrond as the Red Skull.
Speaking of Captain America, he was a bit of a sore point
for me. He is supposed to be the First Avenger, the First Superhero, the
Ultimate Soldier, yet here he was in dirty, faded pajamas ridiculously
overshadowed by the other heroes. Chris Evans did do a spectacular job and he
got more than his fair share of screen time but he just didn’t reach the level
the other Avengers did. He needed to stand out more in my astute opinion.
My dad actually summed it up pretty well: “all he does is
punch the baddies and look melodramatic. I mean the Hulk is much better at
punching than he is, so what is the point of him being in the Avengers."
I tried to explain how Cap is the focal point of the group
and that dad should have seen Captain America first and not to talk that loud
in the middle of the movie. But daddy’s got a point.
Cap barely used his signature boomerang shield attack,
preferring to fling it once and then proceeding to engage the enemy in
fisticuffs. Plus his outfit was dull and what happened to all that muscle
mass?! But he still had all the girls swooning and screaming whenever he made
an appearance, so I guess, job well done.
But seriously, I’m just nitpicking. The Avengers as a
package was amazingly good and detailed. They gave us everything that was
promised and so much more.
.
.
.
Ha Haa! Thought I was done did you? You were wrong! Now onto the good stuff.
I freaking love Ironman. Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark is
a combo made in heaven, peppered with angel dust and sautéed with the tears of
unicorns. I want to BE Tony Stark. And that is actually the entire purpose of
the character which the movie portrayed perfectly.
I mean seriously, strutting around in a Black Sabbath
tee-shirt, making his entrance to ACDC, quirky one-liners spewing from his
beautiful mouth … what else you want!!!
Ironman was bloody perfect; they captured the very essence
of Tony Stark and Downey delivered it immaculately.
Oh, and Mach VII Armor = SWEET.
Hawkeye, played by that guy from Mission Impossible, was
pretty damn good too. Totally digged the Wanted style shooting and badassery.
Thor with his beautiful hair, deep voice, and chiseled
features was the highlight for the female movie-watchers as was evident by the
constant sighing and oohing whenever he swung his big hammer. Hmmm … (sigh).
Nah seriously, he was very well-played, contributed epically
to the story and totally kicked ass. God of Thunder indeed.
Banner was the wild card for me. I adore Edward Norton and
was quite skeptical (using very colorful vocabulary to express myself) of this
new guy replacing him. But man did he make an embarrassed fool out of me.
This guy was amazing as Bruce. Cracking wise while caging
the internal torment; all that mix of emotion was transmitted beautifully. The
audience thoroughly enjoyed his performance. Bravo, guy who played Bruce Banner
in the Avengers, bravo.
Loki was sexy as ever. What appealed to me most was his
ideology as to how humanity was born to live in subjugation yadi yadi yada. It
truly was the raving of a power-drunk mad man/god. We got so much in common.
Actually the best thing about Loki was that he wasn’t as
“snivelly” as his other appearances, in the animated stuff especially. He usually
comes across as the naughty boy vying for attention, but in Avengers, he was a
proper super-villain like he should be. He’s a bleeding god for crying out
loud! He can, you know, do scary god stuff. Although taking his golden horny armor on
and off was a bit off-putting.
Nick Fury = Badassmotherfucker. Mission accomplished. (Insert
obligatory snakes on a Helicarrier joke here).
The Chitauri invasion was epically filmed. With just the
right amount of casualties and explosions to piss off Michael Bay.
Holy shit I forgot!
Coulson died! You bastards killed Coulson! How the fuck could
you do something like this you dicks?! God! Son of a bitch died a fucking hero.
I salute you, Phil Coulson. RIP.
Even Robin Sherbatsky as Maria Hill doesn't offset the pain.
There was a bunch of other stuff I wanted to write but
Coulson’s demise traumatized me and I just don’t want to anymore. Plus I’m out
of toilet paper.
So to summarize, the Avengers is a geek’s wet dream. You’ll
thoroughly enjoy it if you like graphic violence against other species and like
dressing up as superheroes. Every day. Cause normal life can suck it.
