My Answer to Everything

In the far-flung future, in a galaxy not too far away
I will be sitting in the space-garden of my space-house
enjoying a space-coffee
from Starbucks, obviously
when the reporter-droid who is chrono-logging my thrilling life-story
will ask me about my relationship with my one and only

I will gaze at my beloved and
huff the deepest of huffs
bust out my space-ukelele
and play a ballad which would mean something like this

I fell in love on her first word.

We met at a support group for neurotic writers
while a revolution we couldn't care less about brewed outside

i came in wielding fan-fictions from multiple universes
content to sit cross-legged, beaming at my own geekiness

she came in with a lightsabre

she sliced away my preconceived notions of
poetry only being for emo hipsters in poorly-lit rooms belting out cliched moroseness
she showed me raw, un-apologetic honesty
she force-choked my heart that day

the next time i saw her, i had my blue suede shoes on
dancing a merry jig, all hooked on a feeling
and through our infinitely interwined fingers
she called me her Star Lord,
she was already my Pryde

And i'll strum about all the saturday nights
we spent galavanting across all of time and space
no adventure too big, no life too small 
she is my brilliant TARDIS and i am her Doctor
especially when the clock strikes ten and noon

i would follow it up with a power-chord
of all the times fictional characters had us going
"Noooo" and "Whaaaat" in equal measure
and how she is the Holmes to my Watson
even though she is the real doctor
the Frodo to my Sam
and how the One Ring is a metaphor for like life or something
and how sparkly pretty elves are

and when my epic space-ballad of the ages is coming to an end after at least a 40 minute solo
i'll breathe deep
and look at the one who was with me through it all
and will be with me for countless more
i'll say that all of that means just one thing:
she is my 42.

Copper Strings

Run, my babyboy

Ridged soles slap against cold cobblestone.

The pace builds.

Faster.

Faster.

Come on! Faster!

She flits away ahead of me, bounding from one lithe step to the next with effortless grace.

I chase after in her wake.

She, always a grasp away, laughs a cool breeze and sends it my way.

Beads of sweat, rivulets on my skin. Muscles moving in synch, body flowing in rhythm.

Feet pound the ground, launching me closer, and closer.

Ears pounding with cardiac crescendo.

Chest heaving, biting down precious morsels of oxygen.

I feel so alive.

Her hand encompasses my blurred tunnel vision.

One last contraction, one more expansion, legs propel me into her waiting fingers.

Her touch, lightning, firing every synapse, exciting every neuron.

Eyes emanating cold flame, spine excited for more.

"Hey, race you to the bottom."

Slow dance on the high seas - Ch. 1

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

The words stammered out of his mouth as the glass clanged to a stop on the hardwood deck.

She sat stock-still, drenched in the remains of a Pina-Colada.

She slowly raised her hands, and removed her big splattered sunglasses as he looked on, mortified.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sor-" she silenced the wash of apologies with an upraised hand.

His eyes just grew wider, threatening to engulf his entire face.

She couldn't help but smile at the cuteness of his terror.

"It's okay, it's okay!" she said getting up and assessing the damage. Her baggy shirt was soaked through to her shorts and part of her brown hair stuck awkwardly to her head.

He looked like he was about to cry.

Looking to and fro like a trapped animal, he spied and leapt for a towel.

"I'm so so sorry," he awkwardly dabbed at her face and hair as she just sat bemused at his predicament.

"It really is okay, you know," she said through her widening smile.

He paused.

His head slightly tilted to the side, and he stared transfixed at her, as if seeing her a new.

"You're beautiful," he breathed un-lucidly.

She stared right back at him, heart beating in her ears.

He snapped his head down, blushing profusely as he realised he had said it out loud.

"I'msosorry," the words tumbled out of his mouth, eyes still boring holes in the floor.

"Shush," she said, pink creeping onto her cheeks.

She hesitated for a moment.

"Hey, umm, you want to sit with me for a bit?" she asked.

As if in a fevered daze, he looked up, eyes wide as ever, nodded quickly and sat down a bit too fast at the foot of her long-chair.

Awkward silence ensued. She continued to dab at her clothes absent-mindedly, looking at him from the corner of her eye. He stared at his shoes, stealing glances at her.

Their eyes met.

"I'm Jay."

'I'm Roo."

They blurted at the same time, and quickly looked away, blush intensifying.

Jay took a breath.

"So, ummm, what brings you here?'

"I don't know, what brings any of us anywhere?"

He just stared at her, mouth slightly open in amazement.

She looked down, embarrassed smiling playing on her lips.

He laughed.

"God, you're amazing," he said before he could stop himself, and looked away again.

It was her turn to laugh, "you're quite something yourself. Do you compliment all the girls you spill cocktails on?"

With his cheeks burning red, he looked at her and said, "I don't know what's come over me, I'm never like this, so forward and stuff, I just saw you and couldn't stop staring and I spilled all over you and I'm so sorry and yeah."

She laughs heartily. He looks down completely crimson with embarrassment.

"Hey hey no, hey look at me," she says placing her hand on him. "I'm telling you it's okay, okay? You are so sweet for telling me that and being honest with me. It means a lot okay."

She gave his shoulder a squeeze. He managed a shy smile and looked at her again.

"You're really beautiful Roo."

"Thanks Jay, you really are too," she said softly.

The revelled in the natural connection between them.

Jay suddenly got up. "Hey Roo, can I buy you a drink? I'd love to start over and talk to you," he said sheepishly.

"I would love to!" she beamed. "Let me just change and I'll meet you at the bar in 10 minutes?"

"That's perfect!" Jay could barely hold his excitement. "I"ll see you in just a bit!"

"Just a bit, Jay."

Nights

Magic was supposed to be real
Only at 4a.ms
But you are Gallifreyan aren't you?
Time is your element

A frozen slice of tachyons
Eternal night blanketing us
We lay there
Facing one another
Your cool radiance
Zephyr on my skin

We've always known each other haven't we?
Spun together in the web of stories
Our threads intertwined
Each supporting the other
Making me, you strong

Unbreakable

Pretending our genesis
Slipping into our own skins
Of earlier days
In different worlds
It always leads to the same divine
Epiphany

We are meant to be
I am meant to be yours
As you are meant to be mine
It is fate, I call it
Purpose

We keep colliding
On slumbering shores
The foam of our reveries
Melting us
Making us one

As we are meant to be

We lie here in the warm dark
Lucid and not
Dreaming and awake
Together
We will make our infinity

Nineteen with no tats

Nineteen with no tats
Through tinted specs
They don't see you like I do

The butterflies
A shoulder to hip cascade
Purple wings and blues

The fleeting ravens 
Soaring ephemeral on your arm 
Inky black

A leaf on the wind 
Caught in the breeze of your step
Paint stained tears

Le je ne sais (pas) quois
Dessous votre cœur
Notre stylo violette

The music notes
Dancing on reverb wrist
Twinkling copper dust

The robin 
Forever shoulder perched
Tittering a sea-green tune

The ring
Curled tight around your finger
Infinite shades of promise

I see you 
The platitudes of uninked skin
Let's write all our favourite songs




- Happy birthday Princess


 (Published in Pankhearst's Fresh November 2015 Issue.)

Calypso Du Evening

Sunday evening.

The closing of a weekend well spent in warm beds and warmer embraces.

The weekday melancholy rushing relentlessly, refusing to let our peace, our space stay.

We will make the best of this.

We will make tonight timeless.

A stroll on the banks of the canal, the sun resting into the earth, ruddy glow dissipating from the sky, giving way to our favourite blues.

Walking hand in hand, hers perfectly holding mine, sharing our warmth. Our breaths misted out, mingled and flew ephemerally into the dusk.

I wordlessly asked her to join our senses, twirling the tiny square of our music between my fingers.

She smiled, sprinkling stars into the growing night, ready with our ears.

I gave the square a little shake, leaving it to digital fate.

One - Ed Sheeran.

 Cosmos smiles down on us. The late evening becomes the perfect night.

We walk along the water, pulled deep into our third space, the world around us melting into azure. Sight was not important. There was only sound. Her touch. Our warmth.

The trees rang out with soft strumming, wind serenaded sweet notes, our feet tapped the bass beneath us.

We walked closer, arms wrapped, spirits entwined in unison of music.

I turn to her, her hands in mine, her eyes whisking me into her universe.

"You are my only one."

Doctor to OR

I walked through the thick glass doors and the smell of sterilisation assaulted my nose immediately.

The fluorescent corridors teamed with life as bodies rushed too and fro. Even at two in the morning, the hospital was alive and running at full steam.

I made my way to the cafeteria, which thankfully was mostly empty. A friendly familiar wave to the cafeteria-staff and I sat myself down at a table, placed the coffee I had brought on the cool marble surface and powered up my laptop.

I had been catching up on work for about half an hour, people came and went. A doctor rushed over and plopped herself down in the seat next to mine.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm late." The words tumbled out hastily, her hands moved about with manic speed, her eyes darted back and forth clearly in a panic.

I held up my hand and pointed at the coffee.

"Oh thank fucking god!"

She leapt forward and grabbed one of the foam cups, punched the lid open with surprising speed and began gulping it down.

I closed down the laptop, took my own cup of coffee and watched my companion visibly relax as the caffeine hit her bloodstream.

"Mmmmmmmm Caramel Frappacino. You get me bae."

"That I do, love. Because." I winked.

"Because. D'accord," she agreed.

She undid her hair which had been held at the back of her head like the plumage of a hawk, and let it fall to her shoulders. She closed her tired eyes and her mouth curled into a smile of bliss as she took a well deserved break from saving lives and giving hope.

"Bae you have the meeting tomorrow. You didn't have to come over so late," she said with sudden seriousness.

"Shush you."

I leaned over and we shared a caffeine sweetened kiss.

"No seriously, go home and sleep. I'll be home in a -"

I interrupted her with another peck.

"Mmmmmmmm," her smile widening even more.

"I will bae, in just a bit. I'll finish up this report and head home."

"Abhi chalay jao naaa. Get in bed and work."

"Naaah I like being close to my bae," I winked again, trying to annoy her.

But she didn't crack. Her smile betraying her mischievous intent, "acha na jao, whatever."

She snuggled into my arm and placed her head onto my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her and held her close, enjoying our warmth.

"Long day, huh?"

She nodded sleepily.

"It'll be over soon, love," I kissed her forehead.

"Mhmmm."

Her phone beeped. A text from the OR.

"Back to being an angel, dear?" I teased.

She punched my arm, gave me a deep hug, and a quick sweet kiss, "I love you, Jay."

"Go go! I love you Roobaby. See you in just a bit."

Morning

Morning sliced across my eyes from the tiny slit in the curtains.

The light chased away the yesterday of my slumber. Eyes, still heavy with sleep, flutter and I turn my face away from piercing luminescence, holding on to the last dredges of precious sleep.

"Hey babyboy."

My eyes open to hers. Lips warmed with a smile, she looks at me, through me, her gaze nourishment for my soul.

Filled with such loving affection, I sigh deeply. I take in her supple, warm form next to mine, our limbs intertwined.

"Good morning, beautiful."

A poem for Roo

I sit here
Fingers poised over keypad
As I wait for heavenly inspiration to strike me asunder 
Too bad I'm a virtual atheist.

So I will dig deep
pull out my feelings
And splay them on chalky screen
A poor, yet honest, imitation.

What is a poem, love?
As told by a wise orthodontist
Your innermost thoughts made visible on paper
But that's not right is it?

A poem is to have structure and rhythm
It rises and falls
Its fluid, it flows from page to heart
My thoughts are anything but.

My grey-matter, fickle bitch that it is
Has no flow
No rhyme or reason
It erupts and slumbers

So tell me, dearest Roo
How would I write you a poem?

Would I start with how we met?
At a support group of troubled egoists
Emotionally barren souls
Looking for solace in art and their own kin?

How we fell in love?
That time stopped at night
And rang with the screams of our veritas
We confessed, truly, at 4am?

That you made me believe in soulmates?
We revelled in our mutual lactose sensitivity
Became telepaths, empaths
Teenage dirtbags?

Or how we first kissed?
The perfection that was our first date
Of elves, hobbits and cheesecake
The tiled, sanitised monument of our genesis?

How about starships and losers?
Mingling fingers and buttered corn
Backseats and hurt backs
Of peace, contentment, and home?

Would I mention beds?
Warmth, dissipating distances
Scent, sound, touch; pure synesthesia
Of lingering kisses and perpetual hugs?

Addiction?
Withdrawal, narcolepsy and zombies
The blurring of days
The torturous weekend?

Redemption?!
We filled each other, lucidity incarnate
When we held each other
How all was right with the world?

And everything in between?
Of shared passions and loves?
Of oceans of peace and home?
How you, love, are my everything and all?

Of whispered and screamed iloveyous?
Words before sleep and exclamations of awakening?
Dreams and pillows?
Of the futures we design?

I cannot put this on paper
It would result in ecological disaster
The Frenchness of my mind would not be sated
And I would not do you, us justice.

Roo
My Roo
My dearest love
I am no poet

So I will just show you

I will just be.

This title will never be long enough.

Two months! 
They'll give way to twenty, to two hundred, to two infinites!
And this lucky jay gets to spend it with the phoenix of his lucid dreams and pipe awakenings.

Funny, how release of a few chemicals in my noggin make me want to dance and jump and scream for joy.
Make me want to sleep and ride and draw and colour and make me feel alive.

I swear I was going to fill this with our exploits through time and space, past and future, but when I think of you ... There is no time.

There is only now.

There is only the ever lasting horizon of you, of us. They say horizons like they are the ending, the limit of what you see, what you think. Expand your horizons, they say. Never to look over, to imagine.

The horizon, to me, isn't an ending. Its the floodgate to EVERYTHING. A beginning, really.

Why am I talking of horizons? That was impromptu. 
I like being spontaneous.
In the here and now.
Fluid thoughts rushing and tumbling in my mind.
Past not weighing me down, future not pulling me forward.

I can skip fullstops, substitute them for commas and just keep rolling out words and phrases and don't care if they get too long.

I am rambling, dancing in my mind, humming along

This is what being in love with you is like.

Bad poems and pretentious prose.

I love being in love with you.

No backspaces.

I am so happy I found you.

No spellchecks.

I love you.

No spaces.

Iloveyou.

Cookies and Cake

It was a dark and stormy night.

Sorry, it really wasn't. I've just always wanted to write that.

It was a brisk, November evening. The air was rich with wafting scents of cheese and baking.

I walked in, cake precariously balanced, eyes scanning for literally the one person that mattered.

There! Right? Yeah must be. I need her. There are too many people here ... I just need to get closer to you ... Hi-

It wasn't you.

Okay, don't panic. She's coming. Just running late. Put the cake down before you lapse to your clumsy nature.

Wow there are a lot of girls here ... Am I the only guy who made something? Heehee that's pretty sexist isn't it Roo? Roo? Oh yeah ...

Better text. Better call. Oh, traffic? Oh okay. I'm here bae!

I'll just put the cake down on this corner table. Wow, I don't know a single person here ... Welp, time to bust out the phone and stare at the screen and avoid eye contact and omg those people are looking at me and Roo please come fast like okay I'm good.

Hmmm good ol' BBC. Economic Cameron G20 ugggh ROO!

ROO!

Roo! I'm here! I'm waving! Hey baby! You look amazing! Roo! Where are you going?! You are so far away! Come here bae!

Wait, you are messaging me ... No, its okay come over here, there's no space over there.

She's coming over. God Roo, you are so beautiful. I'm smiling at the memory of you just walking over to me.

I need to hug you. Iloveyou so much, baby. 
I can smell the cookie dough sprinkled with lavender, right now in my room.

And I'm smiling.

I love our third space. I love being with you. I love my arm around you, your arm around me. I love your hand in mine, my hand in yours, our hands intertwined in each others. I love being able to smell you, to make out each hair, to kiss your cheek, to watch your dimples wink when you smile, when you laugh, when you are so you.

You.

I'm smiling bae. Just thinking of you.

Iloveyou.

We Roam

Sunday blues.

Home felt like a house when we grabbed the keys and made our way down the winding staircase into the brisk October.

Vespertine sounds greeted us as we took in the welcoming darkness. We were delinquents in a modest neighbourhood.

Draped in PJs we all but ran to the car. 

Keys in the ignition. A moment's hesitation.

"Just drive," she said.

The V8 roared to life, lights illuminated the ashen asphalt, we took off, burnt rubber left hanging in our wake.

The roof pulled down, the wind weaved through our hair and stung our eyes. Refreshing, reinvigorating.

She pushed in a CD, drums and electric guitars sprang to life from the speakers and I squeezed the accelerator, putting more distance between us and the rest of the reality.

I laughed. Everything weighing me down now a halfbaked vapour drifting away in our slipstream. She smiled, eyes closed, making my heart do the two-step.

We were free. We were moving. Fast. 

Time lost meaning in the din of motor and music, we drove aimlessly, the empty roads a heaven-sent. 

Nothing but endless skies above us, she raised her arms, embracing the universe. We were lost in blissful detachment; nothing mattered but here and now and us.

A hilltop park beckoned us. Stationary wheels did not stay our spirits. We needed to be loud.

But speaker-fueled ambience was unbecoming. She grabbed her guitar from the backseat. 

Copper strings strummed the still air. The universe hummed along.

I see fire; I hear the wind

I stand in this cosmic cavern
In eternal darkness
My stance unstable;
I am walking on water.

Ripples cascade,
As feet fall on water;
This not be an unfortunate puddle,
Rather an ocean of black.

I walk, I glide,
With rhythmic footfalls.
No shore, no sky,
Only a never-ending ocean.

A luminescence!
Far off in the black horizon;
A speck of gold,
Flickering in the cold darkness.

Another step,
And the spark explodes.
Furious flames rush the horizon,
Surrounding me in a bowl of gold.

The flames twist and dance;
Spectrum of tangible emotion.
The heat overwhelming, cold dark forgotten
But I stand in awe, undeterred.

For I know it is you.

_______________________________

My quest,
Was of enlightenment.
My path,
Was forsaken.

Aimless wandering,
Thoughtless posturing,
Led me inevitably
To the cavern of no escape.

The wide black ocean,
Sapped my soul.
My body an empty vessel,
Devoid of life.
______________________________

The flames would not hurt me.
They playfully entice me
With their burning tendrils
But I'm not afraid.

For enlightenment was mine;
The answer within me.
It needed a spark to ignite my heart,
Remind me of what I knew.

I am the wind.
The flames do not burn me,
I fan the flames
Into a raging inferno.

It is a coupling of nature,
Feeding and nourishing the other.
I do not put you out,
I make you burn

But I do not burn with you.

If I ignite,
I'll be consumed.
Even though that may not be your intention,
It is your nature.

I am the wind.
At peace. Serene.
Flowing, enveloping the universe.
Fanning your flames.

You burn brighter, hotter
A typhoon of fire
Spiralling skywards
Incinerating the roof of my prison.

In the open expanse,
The eternally bright universe,
We do not disperse.
We bind together, becoming one.
____________________________

Our quest, renewed.
Our purpose, eternal.
Peace, and passion.
Fire, and wind.