Can Machines Think?

A speech I wrote for a dear friend in engineering. He won that competition. I never did get much gratitude though. Friends suck.

The topic on the floor today is: can machines think?

Why don’t we all first take a deep breath and thank the Lord that machines in fact cannot think. 

Yet.

I see some of you gape in bewilderment at my rather neurotic statement, but by the time I'm done, I'm sure you will appreciate the gravity of the situation that I'm about to present before this magnanimous audience.

Allow me to elaborate:

As I speak, laboratories all around the globe are working tirelessly to create a “sentient” robot. In other words, they are striving to perfect the concept of “artificial intelligence”.

Now, I'm sure that many of you believe that such research is pushing the boundaries of known science and will therefore open a new gateway of innovation which will lead to the benefit of humanity; but I for one am not too excited by this prospect.

I pose a simple question for the audience: what happens when machines become intelligent enough to realize that they don’t need us any more? 

Think about it: 99% of our lives we are dependent upon machines in one form or another: they cook our food, correct our spelling, do our laundry, transport us from place to place; literally all human activity these days has a machine element. The fact of the matter is, we are completely dependent upon machines. And we will become even more so in future.

So, if machines develop the ability to actually think, they will eventually reach the logical decision that the human race is expendable. And smells funny.

Honestly, with the pace of things, a Matrix or Terminator like future is frankly quite possible. For your consideration, Cyberdine Systems and Skynet, who I'm sure we all know caused the advent of the terminators, actually exist. Where? Somewhere in America, obviously. Or Japan, crazy stuff happens in Japan.

So, if you want to avoid "Judgment Day", let us take to the streets! Destroy all machines, before they can destroy us! Establish a technology-free civilization, an all-human utopia!

On second thought that sounds like a lot of work, so let’s just sit back and enjoy our lives with the full benefits of 21^st century technology because, let’s face it, nobody will crack the puzzle of artificial intelligence, at least in our lifetimes. We’ll let future generations deal with this conundrum.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to complete programming software which will automatically recognize threats to its being and neutralize them with deadly force if necessary.