Congratulations! You've finally made it to the hallowed office-halls of this proud assurance-based institution.
You're now proud Fergusonians; but your journey has just begun.
Although this experience will truly define the rest of your lives (no pressure), there are a couple points that young initiates should keep in mind, for your own safety.
1. Respect the social hierarchy.
I hate to break it to you, but the social segregation you tried so hard to leave behind in high-school has followed you here. In fact it will be there for the rest of your life. Sorry.
High-school was simple: there were three to four steps on the social ladder, and you knew exactly where you were. Roles were well-defined, either you were a jock or a nerd, cool or lame, you get the idea.
At the firm though, here things get real and messy. We are all very familiar with the ladder: partners on top, then managers, then seniors, then juniors, and then there is you. Bottom of the food-chain. Lowest on the pecking order. A very tiny bird compared to really big birds. Who eat the smaller birds.
And everything trickles downwards. If the partner is mad at the manager, I assure you, you'll be feeling the shock-waves too my friend. Everyone above you is just going to shift the blame to a lower tier. But who are you going to shift it to? Your long dead and buried hopes and dreams? Joking!
"So what," you say. "I won't be AA1 forever, I'll be a senior in no time!"
True. But those years will have changed you, my friend. Your spirit, broken. Your heart, naught but ash. Your lackluster eyes see the world for what it is, and you dish out the same hurt and suffering you went through on the next eager-faced intern to cross your path. Because they have to learn. They have to know what it's like. The cycle must continue.
Wow, that got a bit dark there. Anyhow, moving on!
2. Work is everything.
You came here to work, and work you will. Days and nights, and weekends, at home, at your phuppo's house, while your cousins play and chill, you work until your eyes bleed spreadsheets. Oh, and don't be afraid to get some dirt under your fingernails: plenty of manual labor to go around as well. That stock isn't going to count itself is it now? And what about converting that literal (and i do mean literal) mountain of files? By the time you are half-way done, your paper-cuts will have paper-cuts.
Surely, things must get easier when you get promoted right? I mean, what are all the juniors for? No. Sorry.
See, as a senior, you'll be reporting to the manager directly. Meaning when the order comes down from up-high, you are getting the full-force impact. You are going to be working nights and holidays slaving away to make that deadline. You are going to be beseeching the client to please, for the love of all that is holy, give you that one document which the job-in-charge asked for which you know is completely irrelevant. You are going to have to deal with the manager's mood swings you are just beginning to understand, and your juniors' idiocies which you've lost the will to. Isn't it fun to be you?
The funny thing is, you'll do it. You'll do all the work and if you are lucky you will get a sliver of credit for it. But more likely than not, you'll get posted to that client from hell, again, just because you did such a great job.
On the bright side, there is a lot of learning and you can really develop your skills and achieve your life-long dream of being really good at MS Excel. That was your dream right? I mean, why else would you even be here?
3. You will learn to prioritize.
With you so caught-up in the demanding (demeaning?) CA lifestyle, you are going to have to make some sacrifices. Namely friends and family.
Your high-school friends will graduate and start their careers and get married and have kids and buy that Porsche you've dreamt of since you were six, all before you are half-way through your articles.
Your family gives up on ever seeing you at home or spending any time with them or talking about anything other than how ridiculously the client's financials are hyperlinked.
You have no friends at the firm, only colleagues and work-place acquaintances; who will throw you under the metaphorical (probably even literal) bus if it meant gaining favor with the powers that be.
Life will pass you by and you'll be stuck here, with Audit your one and only friend.
But hey, it's so going to be worth it when you are CFO of that Fortune 500. It is worth it, right?
-
Obviously, none of this was even remotely true. At all. Just some comedy/satire for a few paltry laughs and to brighten up your day a smidge.
Or was it ...
You're now proud Fergusonians; but your journey has just begun.
Although this experience will truly define the rest of your lives (no pressure), there are a couple points that young initiates should keep in mind, for your own safety.
1. Respect the social hierarchy.
I hate to break it to you, but the social segregation you tried so hard to leave behind in high-school has followed you here. In fact it will be there for the rest of your life. Sorry.
High-school was simple: there were three to four steps on the social ladder, and you knew exactly where you were. Roles were well-defined, either you were a jock or a nerd, cool or lame, you get the idea.
At the firm though, here things get real and messy. We are all very familiar with the ladder: partners on top, then managers, then seniors, then juniors, and then there is you. Bottom of the food-chain. Lowest on the pecking order. A very tiny bird compared to really big birds. Who eat the smaller birds.
And everything trickles downwards. If the partner is mad at the manager, I assure you, you'll be feeling the shock-waves too my friend. Everyone above you is just going to shift the blame to a lower tier. But who are you going to shift it to? Your long dead and buried hopes and dreams? Joking!
"So what," you say. "I won't be AA1 forever, I'll be a senior in no time!"
True. But those years will have changed you, my friend. Your spirit, broken. Your heart, naught but ash. Your lackluster eyes see the world for what it is, and you dish out the same hurt and suffering you went through on the next eager-faced intern to cross your path. Because they have to learn. They have to know what it's like. The cycle must continue.
Wow, that got a bit dark there. Anyhow, moving on!
2. Work is everything.
You came here to work, and work you will. Days and nights, and weekends, at home, at your phuppo's house, while your cousins play and chill, you work until your eyes bleed spreadsheets. Oh, and don't be afraid to get some dirt under your fingernails: plenty of manual labor to go around as well. That stock isn't going to count itself is it now? And what about converting that literal (and i do mean literal) mountain of files? By the time you are half-way done, your paper-cuts will have paper-cuts.
Surely, things must get easier when you get promoted right? I mean, what are all the juniors for? No. Sorry.
See, as a senior, you'll be reporting to the manager directly. Meaning when the order comes down from up-high, you are getting the full-force impact. You are going to be working nights and holidays slaving away to make that deadline. You are going to be beseeching the client to please, for the love of all that is holy, give you that one document which the job-in-charge asked for which you know is completely irrelevant. You are going to have to deal with the manager's mood swings you are just beginning to understand, and your juniors' idiocies which you've lost the will to. Isn't it fun to be you?
The funny thing is, you'll do it. You'll do all the work and if you are lucky you will get a sliver of credit for it. But more likely than not, you'll get posted to that client from hell, again, just because you did such a great job.
On the bright side, there is a lot of learning and you can really develop your skills and achieve your life-long dream of being really good at MS Excel. That was your dream right? I mean, why else would you even be here?
3. You will learn to prioritize.
With you so caught-up in the demanding (demeaning?) CA lifestyle, you are going to have to make some sacrifices. Namely friends and family.
Your high-school friends will graduate and start their careers and get married and have kids and buy that Porsche you've dreamt of since you were six, all before you are half-way through your articles.
Your family gives up on ever seeing you at home or spending any time with them or talking about anything other than how ridiculously the client's financials are hyperlinked.
You have no friends at the firm, only colleagues and work-place acquaintances; who will throw you under the metaphorical (probably even literal) bus if it meant gaining favor with the powers that be.
Life will pass you by and you'll be stuck here, with Audit your one and only friend.
But hey, it's so going to be worth it when you are CFO of that Fortune 500. It is worth it, right?
-
Obviously, none of this was even remotely true. At all. Just some comedy/satire for a few paltry laughs and to brighten up your day a smidge.
Or was it ...
